Soapbox features enable our individual writers and contributors to voice their opinions on hot topics and random stuff they've been chewing over. Today, Kevin remembers how Stardew Valley kept the spark alive and prepped him for living with his partner...
Relationships can be hard. And when you add in long distance, that difficulty curve can ramp up even higher.
My girlfriend Lima and I used to be in a long-distance relationship. Now we live together and are in a no-distance relationship. But up until that point, we would only be able to see each other for scheduled chunks of time every one or two months. Still, it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. What really helped us though, was having something in common. And for us, we developed a mutual ritual of playing Stardew Valley together.
I tried playing Stardew Valley by myself around the time when it first came out on Switch in 2017. I grew up with Animal Crossing, and wanted to give this life sim a try – but it just didn’t click. I don’t know why, either. My friends seemed to love it, and the art style and gameplay seemed right up my alley. But after sitting down with it for various sessions, I eventually dropped it and moved on.
Stardew we have to?
Fast forward several years. One thing I am thankful for in my relationship is that video games are a bonding experience for both me and my partner. We grew up with games, love games, and often play games together. What’s particularly nice is that we didn’t play all the same games– so we frequently introduce each other to new ones. I got her to finally play through all of Super Mario Galaxy, and she gave me the courage to pick up Dark Souls again. Eventually, we beat Cuphead together during one of our extended visits, but when she flew back home, we needed something new to fill the void.
Lima had suggested that we start a farm together in Stardew Valley. I was open to the idea, but quickly remembered how that experience went when I tried it on my own. While somewhat hesitant, I agreed, but was pleasantly surprised to see that two players could play online together on the same farm at the same time. Thanks, ConcernedApe! You very well may have saved my relationship with that move.
And so began our life together on Texacago — a not-so-clever portmanteau of our separate locations of Texas and Chicago. But in wonderful Texacago, we lived together along with the likes of Shane, Linus, Harvey, and the gang.
Slowly but surely, the game took a hold on me. I figured out how to better farm crops, saw how much there was to explore in the caves, and got to experience the various backstories of Pelican Town’s residents. I was hooked. And it was the perfect substitution for distance when we could not be together physically.
Joint account
Still though, farming together prepared me for living together in ways I quite frankly did not expect.
In Stardew Valley, you have the option to share finances with other players on your farm. I thought this would be smart, as we would one day live together 'IRL' and have to budget things accordingly. In general, it's sound advice not to hide big purchases from your partner, so when one of us would see the money counter suddenly click down, the other one would take note. “Hey, what was that?” Uh-oh, I forgot to tell her I was buying an extra pig. Well, I better catch some fish and make it up to her.
We divided up our chores and responsibilities equally on the farm. Some days she would focus on collecting items to fill out the community center, while I would be busy trying to catch a gold star super cucumber. Obviously this also helped us work together beyond our gaming sessions. Some days it’s laundry day and dishes day at the same time, but as we had learned, it helps to divide and conquer. Hey it’s not as glamorous as taking over your grandpa’s farm but it’s a living okay? It’s the little things that keep the spark alive.
We played through multiple year-cycles while living and farming together in Texacago, easily clocking in over 150 hours in co-op. Once we started to run out of content, it was hard not to feel a little bit sad, seeing the game that had helped maintain and strengthen our bond across the country start to dwindle in available experiences. We’d maximized our farm, made more money than we knew how to spend, and completed the extra content on Ginger Island.
It’s nice to know it’s still there though, and that we can always visit back there together to look back on simpler times.
Overdew reunion
Not long after getting our fill of the game, we were finally able to close the physical distance.
Lima came to live with me in Chicago, and while our real-life shared-living experience may include far less mining for iridium ore, selling pumpkins at the Stardew Valley Fair, or making sure we’re home and in bed by 2am or else, we already had some level of experience maintaining a digital living place together, and sustaining a life in wonderful Stardew Valley.
Plus, we even got to cosplay as Emily and Shane at the local farmers market for Halloween, which is an awful lot like the Stardew Valley Fair when you think about it. So while the game may have ended, the experience lives on.
And hey, now we’re more than ready for some couch co-op in Haunted Chocolatier.
Have you ever had a gaming experience turn into a memorable moment of a long-term romance? Let us know in the comments and share your stories!
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Comments (44)
@Deviant-Dork Huh?? It feels to me like you're commenting on an unrelated article. Or maybe I'm missing something
I love stuff like this Great way of spending time together when physical distance separates people. All the best to you 2!
@Deviant-Dork
I agree. It is really bad for two people to have a long distance relationship, love each other enough to endure that, and then end up happily living together. IT'S A DISGRACE. Am writing to my MP to get this sort of thing banned.
@Deviant-Dork by “this person”, I hope you mean yourself, because it’s very strange that you would be sad about a couple living happy lives enjoying common things they love.
I love stuff like this as well, i met plenty of friends on PS3 before PlayStation Home shutdown. I've got friends who met on PlayStation Home and ended up getting married irl
I always imagine Chicago would be colder in October.
Also, some good advice in here: nothing good happens after 2a.m.
This is just the sort of wholesomeness I needed today, it was so lovely <3
Now if only you could do chores by pressing A in real life, there would be much less arguments xD
Oh and don't worry we've all drunk ordered a pig, she clearly forgave you
To answer the question, I think having common ground in liking pokemon helped in me and my partner's early relationship. but I remember when I was re-playing A wonderful life on the Gamecube and that was the first time he saw me truly absorbed into a game, or as he put it, 'it shut me up' ever since he knew games could do that to me he has supported my game addiction xD We parallel play, he plays PC, MMO's usually and I play Switch and it's honestly the secret to a happy 11 year relationship, to be playing in the same room, but not with eachother, often asking eachother how we are getting on, And then in the evening he comes off and plays Switch with me and I torture him with whatever I'm stuck on at the time, or rope him into co-op, it's bliss.
@nesrocks I think they're saying a long distance relationship with heavy emphasis on video games is a bad foundation for a relationship. Or that living a proxy existence through a video game means at some point you will realize that in real life there are differences that are irreconcilable. Which are both fair points. I don't personally care how people meet or interact.
Very touching story. I dated my partner for 3 years long distance (we had known each other for about 10 years before we started dating)
We've been living together for just a few months shy of 10 years now. Its not easy to make it over the hurdle, but when its real its worth it.
I had a similar bonding with my then girlfriend now wife in the five years we did the long distance thing, using World of Warcraft. We were talking on the phone once a day for about an hour but it wasn't quite enough and just talking more didn't cut it. Collaborating on quests was great but exploring together was the best part. Sometimes it was just us hanging out in Moonglade or somewhere chatting. The larger lesson gleamed for when we got married and moved in together was to always be putting in the time and work to keep the bond strong whether through video games or something else.
Nice, sounds like giving your spouse that 1 item everyday finally paid off!
@Deviant-Dork huh?!
@Deviant-Dork …what behaviour? Playing video games? Why are you here then?
I would just like to add that right now I’m watching High plains drifter, gonna have a beer soon With chocolate while sitting in my underwear, and the money in my bank account is all mine. If there was a lady here with me I’m sure I would be nagged at, but hey I like the silence. French connection later xxx
Right in the feelz! I'm happy for both of you! ❤️
@Dragonslacker1
As a lady I can confirm that it's the best financial decision you could make, we take your money, your free time, and in my case, your beer and chocolate as well xD Though any girl that doesn't permit you chilling in your underwear is a disgrace to womankind But having said that, behind every nagging woman there is procrastinating man xD
Absolutely depressing.
Really nice story. 🥰
@Nintendancies I raise my glass to you. I’m not procrastinating, I’m relaxing and pondering my next move! Xx
I don't understand the people saying this is bad. Sharing hobbies with your partner is...bad? Somehow??? I think it's adorable.
Great story, thanks for sharing!
@Dragonslacker1
Well played my friend, well played.
@World
I don’t get it either. Like clearly none of these people have ever tried a long distance relationship.
Diablo IV made me a better father.
@nesrocks hey, you can’t be the first comment if you waste time reading the article. C’mon now!
@Deemo37 They probably haven't been in a relationship at all.
My girlfriend and I had a long distance relationship our first couple of years together (2010-2012). We don't have a common interest in video games (though she enjoys playing Splatoon sometimes), but we both love music, so we used to share new discoveries with each other digitally and plan what concerts to go to when we were able to meet. After I was done at university, I moved down to her and we've been together for 13 years now.
Lovely article!
What kind of high pedestal do you need to be on to say that someone who's really happy is "sick" for doing what they do.
Removed - trolling
Removed - flaming/arguing
@MikeJones Firstly I said I don't care, so why don't you complain to who wrote the post.
They are fair points. Digital interaction clearly causes more problems than it helps in our society. Case in point this comment section, people don't speak to one another like this in real life. Most young people are pretty detached from reality, and constant need for escapism is a growing problem. My partner is a teacher and those kids only see what son tiktok and go into withdrawal when you take away their phones.
Removed - flaming/arguing
weird of people in this comment section to take pride in getting no play but I guess whatever makes you feel better about someone else being happier than you
If you fall in love you might get cooties so it’s better to stay in your bedroom and put a “COOTIES-FREE ZONE” sign on the door to minimise the risk (though it’s impossible to eliminate it entirely).
Cooties can even spread through online play — especially co-op games — so it’s best to stick to single-player games where possible.
I think this is the very legitimate, scientifically-grounded health concern that some very level-headed, very non-delusional commenters hold.
@Deviant-Dork I'm sorry, but don't you find it the least bit rude to tell a stranger who is sharing a happy part of their life, they need a therapist? Frankly, that's what I don't find to be good behavior.
Even if you don't agree with the way they went about their relationship did you really need to say this? How do you think the article writer feels after sharing something so important and personal and they get this response as the first comment?
@Deviant-Dork @Poodlestargenerica As a young person who despises TikTok and my generations’ obsession with it… how is that related in any way to this article?
Also, berate people like a bully? Reread the original comment you’re talking about
@Maxz Ah, thanks for clearing that up! I perfectly understand now and take back all my further comments. Hurrah for science!
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@Nintendancies this is so sweet, love to see it ❤️
Removed - flaming/arguing
@Wordbonder couldn’t agree with this more. Some people have no self awareness. Smh
Im more on the critical side regarding this article. I can see that they mean to hit a certain audience with this and make them flourish in a positive way, but the way this story is told and presented makes me think they are missing with their good intentions. It rather shows (like some have already mentioned) how our «new» obsticles in society creates unhealthy ways of living, thinking and being.
One of the many beautiful aspects of gaming and other hobbies (really don't get the negative comments, who are you people to judge others' lives?)!
While I still have never had a partner (also in part because it's difficult finding someone sharing this passion where I live), gaming made me share so many happy moments with my family - my sister in particular - and even helped me make friends, some of whom I still meet with regularly (to play D&D more than videogames nowadays, but still), not to mention I wouldn't be here on Nintendo Life if it weren't for it!
Removed - trolling
@Deviant-Dork What on earth are you even talking about now
What a lovely story. So nice!
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